City of Disturbed Relativity

"The stars told me how to find us in this disorder of systems."

--Joy Harjo--

Confusion Artist

Do you ever feel like you're confused about everything? If you haven't, I’m glad for you, because it sucks.

I honestly can't make up my mind about anything--serious or mundane. For example, I was late to class today b/c I couldn't decide if I wanted to wear a long sleeve or short sleeve t-shirt. Who fucking cares?

I think I am displacing my confusion about more serious issues onto my every day tasks in an effort to avoid making up my mind about what really matters.

This is just one of those days where I hope that any second I'll wake up and everything will end up being a dream. I know I need to get my shit together, because the longer I wait the harder it will all be, but for some reason, I can't seem to get my ass in gear.

Catastrophe--Almost

So, I'm driving to work yesterday, and I suddenly realize that I'm about to have a head on collision with some dumb lady who is driving down the wrong side of the street. She was smoking a cigarette, talking on her cell phone and fiddling with something on her dash. Being enthralled with all of that, she must have forgotten to stay on the right side of the road. Or maybe she's from Europe. Either way, it was scary as fuck. I started honking as soon as I realized that she wasn't looking at the road and she looked up at me like I was being rude. I think she wanted me to apologize for interrupting her multitasking... With a look of disgust and inconvience, she merged back into the right side of the street.

Crisis avoided.

Pass the Peace Pipe

Another great weekend has now entered the winter of its life. I must savor what is left, for tomorrow I will be mourning its death...

Haha, if I ever seriously write like that you all have permission to slap me. I just got done reading an essay for my Native American Literature class and I think it has affected me.

Seriously though, this weekend was CRAZY. Friday was pretty low key. Kyle and I went out to dinner, which was good--minus the fact that the bar and grill we went to had 25 different TV's that were showing 5 different stations, which meant that I only had Kyle's attention maybe 25% of the time. The blame for that rests on my shoulders, however, because I know he can't resist the temptations of mindless, televised entertainment.

Last night was when things started to get out of control. I went out to my friend Anna's cabin and basically was shit faced from 5:30pm until I passed out around 1:00am. We played Pictionary while we were out there. That game is 20x more fun after smoking. We also ate a ton of food. I think I consumed more calories while I was there than an Ethiopian child consumes in 6 months.

One thing that sucked was that the cabin was built in the 40's, so it doesn't have all the modern conveniences of home. There is no heat, and the plumbing doesn't work very well. We made the best of it. Elizabeth, my roommate, and I ended up in the same bed, huddling together for warmth because we were so cold.

Besides that, it was perfect!

World of Warcraft

As time passes, my hatred for this computer game is growing exponentially.

First of all, it has no point. There is no goal, no final prize to strive for. Basically, it never ends.

Second, anyone who starts playing becomes addicted quickly. Some people I know spend more time in the World of Warcraft than in reality.

I want to find whoever made this game and, assuming that person is male, give him a swift kick in the balls.

I hope he has trouble sleeping at night knowing that he is responsible for the ruin of many potentially productive lives. The future of the world became bleaker when this game was created.

If I had a Million Dollars...

...I would pay someone to do my homework for me.

Fall break was good. I had a great time shopping and got caught up on a lot of homework. Unfortunately, I've only been back one day and I'm already beginning to feel overwhelmed. There are, however, only two days left to go. I think I'll be able to make it to the weekend...

Back to the shopping trip: My roommate, my friend Metta and I went to Pella Iowa and stayed with my roommate's aunt. Then, on our way back to Lincoln, we stopped at a mall in Des Moines. The only word I can think of to describe Pella is quaint. I honestly felt like I was living the movie “Pleasantville.”

Pella is home to mostly Dutch. All of the buildings and stores are really old, but nicely kept. There is a town square in the middle of town, complete with a gazebo. Pella is the home to the only working windmill in the USA. It seriously looked like a movie set.

Elizabeth's extended family also fit the theme. We arrived at her aunt’s house pretty late, so we went to bed with out really talking to anyone. It the morning, I was woken up by a strange voice half whispering, "Hello, hello, hi." It was Elizabeth's aunt. She introduced herself while lighting the fire place in the room I was sleeping in and then informed me that breakfast was ready when ever I was. I was taken aback by the assortment of foods she had made for breakfast. There were two different kinds of muffins, eggs, ham, cinnamon roll bread, and a Dutch pastry. On top of all of that, she made a batch of chocolate chip cookies for us to take with us in the car.

It was really nice, but at the same time, slightly unnerving.

Ten Reasons Why I HATE Hollister

1. It is always so dark in the store. One can hardly see the clothes.
2. The music is always too loud and usually sucks.
3. Every Hollister has the same smell and it makes me feel like puking.
4. The clothes have become increasingly expensive, while the quality has decreased.
5. They encourage their staff to be aloof. Good luck getting any help.
6. All of the clothes are just slight variations of two or three basic patterns.
7. All people who shop there on a regular basis end up looking like carbon copies of each other but maintain a false sense of individuality.
8. They have so much decorative crap in the store that it is impossible to make it to the back of the store with out running into something. They are the TGIF of the clothing industry.
9. The dressing rooms are made up of fabric draped randomly over pipes and, in their efforts to be aloof, the staff neglects to pick up the discarded clothing from the last occupant, so the floors are always covered in random piles of assorted shit.
10. Most of their clothing has clever sayings with sexual under tones on it. Gag me.

If there is a hell, I can't imagine it being much worse than Hollister.

Heck Yes!

Iowa, here we come.

**Megan, you better be ready for some quality sister time when I get back!

Pretty Girl is Suffering, While He Confesses Everything

Hmm... Sometimes I forget how much I like Sugarcult. I don't care what you all think, I like them.

I feel way better today. For the first time in about three weeks I actually feel motivated to do my homework. Yeah for me!

Maybe it is because fall break starts in two days and I'm going shopping. No school, a road trip, and I get to spend money. What more do I need? Not much. Maybe a better paying job, but that’s about it.

I need a break so bad it isn't even funny. Megan, I think you can vouch for that! I'm ready to be away from this loony bin and all its madness, even if it is only for a few days.

:(

I'm at work, I'm bored and I feel like shit....

Please, someone, shoot me now!

The Educated Vagabond

As I was walking to my final Visual Literacy class today, I walked by the two bums that I walk by every day. Yes, the same two who were rolling around in the dirt the other day. At 9:20 this morning, they were passing a 40 of beer and joint back and forth, and discussing the difference between college kids now and college kids when they were in college.

I was a little shocked by their topic of conversation. I never imagined that these two very dirty men, with their long greasy hair, missing teeth, and thread bare clothes, have college educations.

"Why?" is the resounding question in my mind today. Where did it all go wrong for those two? What happened between college and now that led them to this--sitting on a mound of dirt, almost invisible because of the dirty camouflage covering their skin? I thought I was past the point where things could go that horribly wrong. Now I realized that point is a figment of my imagination. There is always a chance that I, or anyone else, will end up just like the bums outside of the journalism college.

Scary, humbling, motivating.

They Can't All Be Interesting

This weekend has definitely balanced out the last two. It was uneventful and slightly boring.

Friday night, Kyle and I went to a Beta party, where we sat on a couch and watched people. Don't get me wrong, people-watching is probably one of my favorite things to do. I do not, however, classify it as exciting.

Through our observations, we come to this conclusion:

We feel sorry for guys who can't dance well.

We feel sorrier for girls who can't dance well.

We feel even sorrier for girls who think they can dance well but can't.

We feel sorriest for the guys who get stuck dancing with girls who think they can dance well but can't.

Then that got me thinking. What if I am one of those girls? I think I'm a pretty good dancer, maybe a little too sexual at times, but good none the less. But what if I'm really just making a huge fool out of myself or, even worse, making all the boys I dance with feel incredibly uncomfortable? I guess there are worse things. Right?

One thing I am very thankful for is that Kyle is a pretty good dancer (I would say excellent, but on the off chance that he might read this, I don't want his head to get any fatter than it already is.) Dancing is one of my favorite things to do (right up there with people-watching) and it really sucks to date someone who is not good at it.

Now we digress back to the main topic of this post: the happenings of the weekend.

After we had done all the people-watching we could handle in one night, we resorted to the one thing that always makes a night good--D'Leons. As usual, it was delectable.

Tonight, I didn't really do anything. Kyle, Metta and I watched three hours of shows on illegal drugs on the History channel. They were very interesting and confirmed my belief that weed should be legal, but again, not exciting. After that, Metta went to see her new gentleman friend, and Kyle had a date with the first love of his life--video games.

I was actually really excited to have a night to myself. I had, and still have, a ton of shit to get done for next week. Unfortunately, I didn't end up doing any of it because the other Kyle had gotten really wasted and needed me to take care of him.

Let the good times roll...

Here are a couple of pictures of my roommate, Elizabeth and me before Kyle and I left for our night of people-watching:


Naughty...


Or Nice?

Eyes of a Child

At work today, I finally got to do something besides roll tin foil into balls. Today they let me break up dirt clods and then put the dirt through a sieve. Let us just say that I was less than excited.

Some time during the 4 hours I sifted dirt, I realized that 15 years ago, I would have thought this was the coolest job in the world: Getting paid to play in the dirt. I would probably have pretended like I was an archeologist digging up fossils, or panning for gold, or something along those lines. I can only imagine how fast those 4 hours would have seemed to go if I still had the imagination I had when I was 5.

Since I'm already on the subject of work, I am going to take this opportunity to tell you how strange things are when you work for the government. I work a total of 10 hours a week. I get paid vacation and sick leave. I have my own computer, because the lab technician that I work for "doesn't share computers." Some of you might think this is reasonable, however, the only thing I have to do that I need a computer for is clock in and out of work. I must admit, having internet access has relieved my boredom when my boss leaves work early and doesn't give me anything to do.

Doesn't that make you feel like your tax dollars are going to good use??

Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping.

I spent WAY too much money today, but it was absolutely wonderful. I was definitely in need of a good shopping trip. What made it even better is that all the stores were having their fall clearance sales. A dream come true.

-A Continuation-

After I posted about my embarassing nude scene last night, I rejoined the party to find my friends Charles and Spencer acting out the video game "Street Figthers." It had to be one of the funniest things I have ever seen. That was probably the closest I have ever come to peeing my pants.

Walk Nude, and people won't need to undress you with their eyes.

Hmm... Where to begin....

I have been feeling really lazy today. From the second I woke up, I have been complaining of having Weaknessthropia (for those who are fluent in the word my friends and I made up in third grade, Weaknessthropia: The state of feeling weak to the point where you question your ability to support your own weight.) It was a struggle to stay awake in class and at work, forming spheres out of tin foil seemed strenuous.

When I got home, all I wanted to do was lounge on the couch and eat cereal, which I did for quite some time. Noticing my vegetative state, my roommate warned me that she was having people over and they would be arriving in a few minutes, obviously hinting at the fact that I looked like shit and needed to shower. Sticking with the laziness of the rest of the day, I waited until I heard Kyle, Spencer, and Charles knock on the door before I went to take a shower.

My roommate and I have an agreement to not lock the door to the bathroom when we shower in case the other person needs to use the toilet. It has now become habit to not lock the door. I know what you're all thinking, "Ok, so what if someone walks in the bathroom while you’re showering? You have a shower curtain right?" Yes, we have a "shower curtain," but it is clear.

After I had shampooed my hair, I turned around to adjust the temperature of the water. At that exact moment, Elizabeth bursts into the bathroom and Kyle and Spenser happen to be standing in the hall way behind her, perfectly positioned to see me naked in the shower. I was completely taken by surprise. I can't even imagine how funny the look on my face had to be.

What makes this whole situation even stranger is that Elizabeth didn't even need to pee. She came in the bathroom while I was showering to tell me that Charles had tracked mud all over our carpet when he walked in the door...

I have yet to decide if she really came in to tell me that or if she was in league with Kyle and Spencer. She is always trying to trick me into showing them my boobs.

*Megan* I know, you would have thought I would have learned to lock the door when I shower from that little incident in Colorado with Joey Corbin.

Stress is when you wake up screaming...

...and then realize that you haven't fallen asleep yet.

This morning, I woke up in an absolute panic. I was sure that I was supposed to turn in a project in my communications class that I hadn't even started. After I allowed myself a few minutes to actually wake up all the way, I realized I'm not taking a communications class this semester. I think I might be a little stressed out about my classes…

On my way to class today, I walked by the bums who are always sitting outside of the Journalism building. Usually, they are taking naps on pieces of card board, smoking weed, or yelling at students as they pass. Today I witnessed homeless behavior that I have never seen before. They had taken off their shirts and were rolling around in the dirt. I have yet to figure out what purpose the dirt baths were serving, but they seemed to be enjoying themselves.

I also saw a guy rack himself on his bike. He was trying to ride over a curb, but instead of angling his tire, he hit it straight on. I think most of us know that this is not the correct way to bike over a curb. He racked himself so hard he fell off his bike and was rolling around on the grass, grabbing in crotch in pain. Immediately, a muffled giggle erupted from the many students who were on their way to class. I couldn't help it either. I had to laugh. We all tried to not laugh, but we couldn't. Even though this guy was obviously experiencing an incredible amount of pain, I had to laugh. Why is that funny? He sure as hell didn't find it amusing.

My Brain Hurts

Finally, after about 12 hours of work, I have finished my Visual Literacy project that I have to turn in tomorrow. I am actually happy with it, which isn't usually the case with me and projects.

This weekend has definitely been an emotional rollercoaster. For the most part, I was able to keep it self-contained. Kyle, unfortunately, caught me at a bad time of intoxication and sleep deprivation, and I had a bit of an emotional outburst. Actually, who am I kidding? It was more like Mt. St. Helen erupted. I guess in a way it was good, because I think we were both able to say things that we needed to get off of our chests. I am glad to say that I was able to restrain myself enough to not completely alienate him, and so things are just as good, if not better now.

It wasn't anything that listening to a few inspiring and clarifying songs by my favorite angry female singer couldn't make me feel better about.

And now, a quotation from the jaded, yet still hopeful artist, miss Alanis Morissette:

"What it all comes down to, is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet...What it all comes down to, is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine...What it all comes down to, is that everything's gonna be quite alright."

Why?

Because I won't have it any other way.

My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.

Not really, but there are bonus points for whoever can tell me what movie that is from. (What these points count towards, I have yet to decide.)

Once again, the only word I can think of to describe this weekend is interesting.

After I got off of work on Friday, my roommate, Elizabeth, and I decided to go out to eat with our friends Nathan and Kyle Karthauser. We went to El Torro and absolutely stuffed our faces. As is customary when the four of us are together, the topics of conversation were quite strange. For example, we discussed whether or not whipping boys were ever a real thing. Weird, I know.

After we had eaten way too much, we somehow managed to make it back to Elizabeth's and my apartment, and as usual, 7 other guys some how figured out that is where we all were and just showed up. I was trying to get ready to go out to a Beta party with Kyle Murphy, but it wasn't exactly easy with 9 drunken guys trying to help me pick out my clothes and telling me how to do my make up. It was actually quite entertaining.

Once I finally managed to get myself put together, Kyle, Logan, Logan's date, and I went to the party. The first person I saw when I walked in the door was my roommate from last year, Julianne. It was good to see her until she spilled a beer all over my feet. In an attempt to save the $150 shoes I borrowed from Elizabeth, I jumped up onto the counter. Unbeknownst to me, someone had just spilled a huge glass of Pepsi on the counter and neglected to clean it up. I had to pay for this act of carelessness by walking around looking like I had pee'd myself for the next two hours or so.

After about an hour, we got word that there was another party going on and went to check it out. Upon arrival, I was immediately hit up for a lighter, which I lent (let me stress the word lent) to my friend Barney with out hesitation. A little while later, we decided it was time to head over to the dance. We started to head for the door when Kyle realized that Barney still had the lighter. Barney, however, had already left.

Down a lighter, we headed to the dance. As always, there were cops (yes another cop story) checking people's bags at the door. Not remembering that I was carrying a bottle of Vodka in my purse, I started to walk through the door.

"Excuse me miss. I need to look in your purse."

"Uhhh," I stammered realizing the giant mistake I had made by not removing the bottle earlier. "Oh…my purse. Wow, I don't really want this. Sometimes I just forget I have it. Uhhh, Kyle, can I put this in the car," I mumbled as I abruptly turned and walked as fast as I could towards the car. I couldn't help busting out in a nervous giggle before we were out of ear shot of the police officers, so I'm sure they knew exactly what was going on. Thanks to my quick, drunken thinking the crisis was avoided.

The dance ended up being pretty stupid, but that's kind of what we expected. We stayed just long enough to get my lighter back from Barney and attempt to go outside and smoke the one cigarette Kyle had stuck in his ear. Unfortunately, Kyle stuck the wrong end in my mouth and I ended up lighting the filter, which ruined it. After that we decided to call it a night and head back to campus.

Around the same time, we realized that neither of had any of our things. One of Kyle's frat brothers had driven his car back to campus, which meant he also had his car keys, ID's and room key. My purse was also in the car with my car keys, ID's and room keys. Once we got back to Beta, we had to walk to Sandoz where Kyle's keys ended up. Then, we headed to my apartment.

On the way there, a car full of guys decided to slow down and yell at me.

"Damn girl!!"

"Hey baby girl, can I meet you?" (Honestly, what does that mean? Who asks if they can meet someone???)

For some reason, guys yelling at me from cars always make me really mad. As usual, I ignored them and said a long list of four letter words under my breath. Kyle, on the other hand, found the whole situation incredibly funny and decided to yell weird things back at them, which for some reason, only made me more mad.

Once we got to my apartment, we had to bang on the door until Elizabeth let us in. I went to my room to see if I had left my car keys on my desk, which of course I hadn't. On the way out of my room, I ran into a set of wire shelves, which somehow completely collapsed. There is currently a giant pile of books, purses, jewelry, etc in the middle of my floor.

By that time, I was way too frustrated to deal with anything. Kyle offered to help me put them back together, but I demanded that we move our cars to the parking garage so they wouldn't get towed in the morning and I would worry about the shelf when I wasn't so mad.

Yes, last night was interesting.